THE JOURNEY (Part 1: The dream and the choice)

It is my childhood dream to be in UK. Whether I will study or work there, honestly deep in my heart, I really want to be there. I already imagined myself in thick coat to stand the low temperature of UK’s weather. After I was admitted into International Baccalaureate Programme (IB) in Kolej Mara Banting or famously known as KMB, I could see that my dream is about to come true soon. But my dream does not mean I could face everything in KMB so easily. I struggled, hard ones, just like others.

No one knows how hard IB could be until you are into it. And the struggles in IB are definitely differ between you and your friends. I believe, in this life, we have many choices and we have the power to choose. I could choose to be a very ‘studyholic’ student who ignores others. Ever since my personalities transformed from Mersing to TGB, I decided that I will be ‘me’ like I was in TGB, and I aimed to put some improvements, especially upon friendship. There were so many bittersweets in TGB, I learned about having so many types of friends- the good ones, bad, talking-at-the-back, grudge holders, secret keepers, and a very few true friends. Thus in KMB, I wanted to be a good person- this was my aim.

Of all the IB ‘must-to-do’ tasks that we had to accomplish such as Chemistry and Biology lab reports, Extended Essay (EE), Business and Management Internal Assessment (IA), Theory of Knowledge (TOK) presentations and essay and Malay World Literature (WorldLit), there were still so many other things that I need to deal with. *well, I am not going to tell about IB so details here…this is just a brief description..hehe

We definitely have to score Semester 2 exam in order to get good placement. I knew that if we want to go for UK, we have to be among the top students. My first semester exam’s point was not that good. Thus, I aimed for Ireland. But still, deep inside my heart, I still have the dream for UK. 

The day came. We had to bring back the form to be filled with our choices. We can choose 2 countries and for each county, we can choose 2 universities. My mom was so enthusiastic that I will go for Manchester. I was confused. To go for UK, I reminded myself, I need to score high points in my exams, personal statements, predicted grades and convincing confidential report. Yes, that is the system of getting a placement. The counsellors will rank us according to that system. In my opinion, it is a fair one. And Alhamdulillah, I got 36 for my second semester. I guess it was not high but at least it passed the MARA requirement to fly and the most importantly, it had improved from my previous point. 

In Semester 3, I was sad that my face and arms were attacked by fungal infection. For about 2 to 3 weeks in Ramadhan, I had to wear many plasters on my faces and arms.  The fungal infection created some clusters of tiny holes on my faces. The yellowish liquid came out from the tiny holes forced me to put plasters on them so that they will not stain my scarf. Sometimes small volume of blood came out from the holes. It was such a painful experience because I had to take off all of the plasters before I took my wudhuk and immediately put them on after I took my wudhuk. I washed my telekung many times in a week since the blood from the holes on my face stained my telekung if I did not put any plasters on. At first, I could not understand why this happened to me. I reflected myself and I realised that there was once, I was being proud with my face. I ‘cakap besar’ of thinking, there were some spots on my face that there will be no chance for the existence of neither pimples nor acnes. And as the result, most of the tiny holes grew on the spots. Here I learned that we have to be careful with our every second thought. If proud comes, immediately istighfar.

“Ayush pon dapat UK. Tahniah!” my classmate told me one day. Oh, the placement result was released. I was surprised. Shocked. Speechless. Was it true? For real? I walked to the Counselling Unit Board, browsing through the UK list, and here you go! My name was there! Unbelievable! Alhamdulillah. This placement gave me the courage to face this fungal infection and this tiresome IB.    

Sometimes I felt like I was so unqualified to be in UK list. But, ‘pujukan Allah itulah yang terbaik.’ While some of my friends who aimed to be in the UK list were frustrated as they were placed in other countries, I know I should be grateful. Thank you Allah.

But…

I had no idea that going to UK would be this RISKY, VERY RISKY.

We have to choose 4 universities according to the universities requirement. The agent that handled this application matter with UCAS was MABECS. I was having a problem. My IELTS  score was not that high. I obtained 7.0 with two components of 7.5 and another 2 components with 6.5. Most universities in UK demanded at least 7.0 for all components. Only certain universities required an overall score of 7.0.  I was in trouble. And after choosing the 4 universities, the universities will decide whether they will call us for interview or not. If no university calls us means we have to wait for Clearing process which will happen after we obtain our final IB result. This Clearing process is very risky since it might focus on strong IB points only.

Due to my IELTS score, I decided to go for Cardiff, Aberdeen, Southampton and Sheffield.

I had to sit for my UKCAT soon. And until the last 3 days before the UKCAT, I just knew what UKCAT is. UKCAT is UK Clinical Application Test. It involves Verbal Reasoning (like a comprehension test), Quantitative Reasoning (mathematical questions) , Abstract Reasoning (pattern-based questions) and Decision Analysis (this is so unique! Also like pattern-based analysis questions). I did not realise how ‘laid-back’ I was in dealing with this UKCAT that I was so nervous to face this test. But the second last night before the test in Damansara, I stayed up until 4 am to study Decision Analysis which I enjoyed it so much!

*If only I could turn back the time, I will definitely study hard for each components!*

The UKCAT day arrived. We went for Damansara and we sat for the test. The result was quite ok. I got the average score of 598.7! unbelievable~ so far, I heard that most of KMB students scored around 500 something. And only NCR scored above 600. This was what I heard.

 Verbal Reasoning-530

Quantitative Reasoning-620

Abstract Reasoning-540

Decision Analysis-700

I was quite satisfied with my score. A lil of frustration as I really wanted to pass the average score of 600. 

But, never mind.

*If only I could turn back the time, I will definitely study hard for each components!!!!!!*

IT IS SO TRUE! I obtained the highest score for my Decision Analysis. Yup, usaha dulu! Allah tengok usaha. Usaha kuat2 sambil bertawakal. Tawakal itu tersembunyi. Usaha!!!!! Jgn tangguh2!!!

Ok. Done with UKCAT. Pheww.

Then, I made other mistake. While many of my friends immediately changed their 4 choices, I did nothing. I called MABECS after 2 days of our UKCAT, she said she already sent my application. What???? No amendment can be made anymore! So, I pray. May any of the universities call me one day. I was waiting. Southampton said no to me. Sheffield offered me Biomedic. No news from Aberdeen. Cardiff called me for interview!!! Yahoo! I was so happy. But still, procrastination is definitely a MURDERER!!! I did not prepare myself well for the interview. With the ‘over-confidence’ that I had, I had no idea that one day, the UCAS Track would say “Cardiff----------REJECTED” :((((((((((

Soon after that, Aberdeen gave me red light. I had no placement now. I had to enter the super high risk, Clearing. It was a difficult moment for me to face the public that I was placement-less. But a few days later, I realised there were many of us who were also in my shoes. And NCR too! I had no idea that a top student like NCR did not have placement. But he was so relaxed. He was calm all the way. So, I hung in there. I said to myself, I gotta be calm too. Insya-Allah, I will get a placement after the Clearing process.

*to be continued*